4am and 4pm.

That I finally have the time to get out of the fast lane and think for myself. After an incredibly busy work year (especially the last 3 months), I have taken two weeks off to do nothing (except catch up on my personal life, sleep and do some skiing.)

It's taken a week just to get to a place where I can separate the real thoughts, from the anxious thoughts, from the reactive thoughts, from the fearful thoughts, from the superficial, judgemental thoughts. 

I am not completely removed from my every day surroundings so it's easy to get swept up in what I *should* be doing vs what I *want* to be doing but I am letting go of all the judgement around it and just be-ing.

I must admit, I lost my soulful cup of Gaia tea and got addicted to Facebook crack this year. Not that I haven't been very appreciative of that experience - I have connected with so many wonderful old friends going all the way back to the 3rd grade - it's amazing to find them again and see what they are doing in their lives, where they are living, their children, their travels, - it's been a very positive growing experience for me. But I missed being here. I've tried to come back a few times and then got swept up in the tasks of each day and couldn't find the time & energy.

So, what's going right in my life right now?? That I I have the time to be here, right now.

Love you all.
Muir
: )

purred her way into my life 15 years ago today.

when I go off to work every day, she patiently awaits my safe arrival home every night.

when I run off into the hills in the early morning, she awaits my return.

when I go out carousing late into the evening with friends, she is there at the door to greet me no matter the time I make it home.

when I disappear with a boyfriend for a couple days, she doesn't ask questions.

when I went to Italy for a month, she was waiting in the window when I arrived back in san francisco.

when I traveled to machu picchu to celebrate my 40th, she went with me in spirit.

when the dogs get fed before she does, she only mildy complains.

when I wake from a bad dream, she is there next to me on the pillow to remind me it was only a dream.

many jobs, apartments, boyfriends, and even some friends have come & gone in my life ever since I moved to san francisco 15 years ago. my loyal and furry friend georgie has been the one constant. I love her dearly.

This mala came to me when I was driving to work one morning. Driving through San Francisco on a weekday morning is amazing. Stressful, energetic, overwhelming, stimulating, and sometimes downright deperessing. One is surrounded by so many people - ambitious people, in-a-hurry people, guerilla green people, distracted people, 20-somethings in their Hondas & Jettas, 30-somethings in their Saabs and Subarus, 40-somethings in their BMWs, SUVs, and hybrids', over-educated people...and it all just reminded me of all the DOING we're doing. All the "doing" we're aspiring to. And are we truly doing for ourselves? Are we doing because we're suppose to, other people are expecting us to? Are we doing to keep up with the Jones? That is a question I ask myself every day. And when I feel blissful and energized, I know I am doing it for myself. When I feel achy and anxious, I know I am not.

About a month ago I was reading the magazine BUST - great magazine by the way - the issue with Amy Sedaris on the cover celebrating the magazine's 15th anniversary. There was a perfect quote in the magazine by one of its readers. I don't recall her name but I am attributing this quote to her wherever she is right now. The quote is:

"I am not a failed attempt at being you"

Was this directed to her parents? Her "friends"? Her teachers? Society in general? Not sure who, but it's so true. People just need to be reminded sometimes that we are all unique beings and just because we're not going after what you have, or doing the things you're doing, doesn't mean we're not happy, doesn't mean we have failed at life. It just means we're taking a different path.

That's the beauty of America. So, 2 days late - Happy Birthday America! You're one hot chick!

Peace and good things,
Muir

gotta run 5 marathons this year
gotta move up the corporate ladder
gotta fall off the grid, travel the globe, meditate under the bodhi tree
gotta make lots of money
gotta find myself
gotta get my masters then my phD
gotta unload the SUV, buy a hybrid and "go green"
gotta cleanse
gotta back away from the cell phone/iPod/Blackberry/PDA and realize this is why
I AM SO ALONE

gotta, gotta, gotta

Bring your dog to work day...

What about last night?

I've been working with my animal and ancestorial angels
Calling in my team
Connecting to my higher self
Giving gifts to the mountain devas
Writing in my journal
Meditating
Soaking in the essential oils - filling my lungs, cellular body and higher self
Walking amongst the trees, spring blossoms, summer heat, dirt underneath my feet
And God all around me

And something happened last night.

2 cups of coffee and 1 piece of dark chocolate
2 sandwiches and 1 bag of Kettle chips
Low balance on the Fast Trak
Parking devas on our team today
African drum beat and funky funk horns
Pulsating through Stern Grove
Get your dance move on
Still have a little bit of energy left in me
How about a loop around Golden Gate Park in our roller blades?

your heart broke up with my heart
long before I left you.
I left you,
but you stuck around
because you didn't want to leave me.
but then time & distance finally broke the umbilical cord. 

and you're still in my heart.
you're still with me everywhere I go.
you're still part of why I do this
and maybe why I don't do that.
and it's because I forgot to break up with you.
I was so busy
processing the pain of leaving you
that I forgot to break up with you.

A drive up the 1
A birthday in Bolinas
Cold beer on a hot beach
Continue through Olema
Pitstop at home to drop off and feed the dogs
Change of costume - swap the flip flops & bikini for the mascara & flowy skirt
Across the bridge to Berkeley and a Summer Solstice party
Vic, Laura, Emmet, Charlotte, Magda, Margo and more
Bring an instrument and gather around the chimenea